Q:
"Am I overreacting by worrying that my child who eats
healthfully now might one day develop an eating disorder?"
Unless your eyes have
been closed to the forces all around us, you are attuned to the
influences of a society where youngsters (and oldsters alike)
feel driven to strive for thinness as a route to beauty, success,
popularity, and happiness. High schools and colleges have been
joined by middle and even elementary schools, in experiencing
the phenomenon that kids as young as age 5 and throughout their
adolescence, young and middle adulthood years, are becoming vulnerable
to the destructive influence of society, of peers and the media.
The good news is that parents, though they cannot protect their
children from the forces that their children encounter outside
the home daily, can provide their children strength, resiliency
and an
immunity to developing body image disturbances and
eating disorders. A parent with know-how can virtually "eating
disorder proof" his or her child.
Parents need to assume responsibility and take control when and
where they have control; they need to teach their children what
healthy eating is and to "live" that message themselves,
providing healthy role modeling for their child with meals and
exercise. Parents who cook and provide meals, and who sit down
to enjoy them together with the family, can do a great deal to
counteract even the most pernicious of outside influences.
Q. "I am told that I must never discuss food with my child,
so what should I do if I notice her putting on a lot of weight,
skipping meals, or eating restrictively?"
The theory behind this "hands off" policy
is that parents should avoid becoming involved in fruitless power
struggles with their child. In actual fact, power struggles are
not an option when it is understood that the parents, in intervening,
are
joining, not opposing, the child in the battle against
eating dysfunction. Kids and parents ultimately share the same
goals, that being to have the child grow up to become an independent
and highly functioning and productive adult who is a healthy eater,
and a gratified individual.
If parents feel a power struggle brewing, this is
their cue that they have not yet been successful enough at
listening
deeply enough to the underlying feelings behind the child's words,
at hearing the true essence of what their child needs and wants
to convey. In such instances, even more important than speaking,
parents need to listen to encourage the child hear
herself.
"Tell me more.." Or "..and what else?." are
generally two phrases that will facilitate these goals.
In confronting a child, it is important for parents
to be persistent and to speak from the "I" position,
stating their own observations, concerns, thoughts, and suggestions
about options, then noting realistic consequences of the child's
actions. Your child was not born spontaneously competent to know
what is healthy and how best to nourish herself. She is counting
on you to become her teacher, mentor and guide.
Last
updated on 04-05-2002