Q.
"If I say anything to my child about her eating disorder
"secret," won't she resent me? I am afraid that by confronting
her, I might make matters worse."
Your child
has chosen to keep this condition a secret for fear that she may
be irrevocably ill, or because she doesn't feel she has the internal
strength to face life without the disease. At first, she chooses
the eating disordered behaviors; eventually the eating disordered
behaviors takes over her life and "chooses" her; in the
end, the child believes that she cannot go on without her disorder
and she feels no choice but to partner with the disease indefinitely.
The parent can
expect to encounter resistance in confronting her child with these
realities, though mustn't back down in the face of it. Defining
a problem, uncomfortable as this may be, is the first step in resolving
it. Your child will probably experience a sense of relief to know
that she is not alone with her problem and that you care so deeply
about her. She needs to combine your strength with her own to stand
up to a force as all-consuming as that of an eating disorder.
Q. "Should
a parent have any influence over the affairs of my eating disordered
child once she has grown to become a competent young adult? I wouldn't
want to do anything that could threaten her already established
sense of self-esteem and autonomy."
Your eating
disordered child's malnourished brain has become incapable of logical
thinking, accurate perceptions and sound judgment. She cannot be
expected to rely on herself to assume responsibility to attend to
her own healing under these circumstances, so she must rely on you
to take charge temporarily, until such time as she becomes capable
of resuming responsibility for self-regulation, self-control, and
self-care. If your child had cancer or diabetes, you would have
no ambivalence about stepping in to secure the best treatment. This
situation should be no different; eating disorders are the most
lethal of all the mental health disorders, killing six to ten percent
of its victims.
You can be assured
that her self-esteem and autonomy are being severely compromised
by the insult of this disease, which takes over and sucks the life
out of its victims.
The author's work can be reviewed
further at www.empoweredparents.com
and
www.parentingbookmark.com.
Last
updated on 04-05-2002
