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WHAT PARENTS NEED TO KNOW ABOUT
BODY IMAGE DISTURBANCES AND EATING DISORDERS
Q. "If I say anything to my child about her eating disorder "secret," won't she resent me? I am afraid that by confronting her, I might make matters worse."
  
Your child has chosen to keep this condition a secret for fear that she may be irrevocably ill, or because she doesn't feel she has the internal strength to face life without the disease. At first, she chooses the eating disordered behaviors; eventually the eating disordered behaviors takes over her life and "chooses" her; in the end, the child believes that she cannot go on without her disorder and she feels no choice but to partner with the disease indefinitely.
   The parent can expect to encounter resistance in confronting her child with these realities, though mustn't back down in the face of it. Defining a problem, uncomfortable as this may be, is the first step in resolving it. Your child will probably experience a sense of relief to know that she is not alone with her problem and that you care so deeply about her. She needs to combine your strength with her own to stand up to a force as all-consuming as that of an eating disorder.

Q. "Should a parent have any influence over the affairs of my eating disordered child once she has grown to become a competent young adult? I wouldn't want to do anything that could threaten her already established sense of self-esteem and autonomy."
  
Your eating disordered child's malnourished brain has become incapable of logical thinking, accurate perceptions and sound judgment. She cannot be expected to rely on herself to assume responsibility to attend to her own healing under these circumstances, so she must rely on you to take charge temporarily, until such time as she becomes capable of resuming responsibility for self-regulation, self-control, and self-care. If your child had cancer or diabetes, you would have no ambivalence about stepping in to secure the best treatment. This situation should be no different; eating disorders are the most lethal of all the mental health disorders, killing six to ten percent of its victims.
   You can be assured that her self-esteem and autonomy are being severely compromised by the insult of this disease, which takes over and sucks the life out of its victims.

The author's work can be reviewed further at www.empoweredparents.com and www.parentingbookmark.com.

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Last updated on 04-05-2002

 


 
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